Confessions of a mum: How I learned to choose better

Reflection

Looking back on my earlier years as a mum, I can’t help but laugh at how seriously I used to take everything. What I thought was best back then is so different from what I know now. I used to be so focused on making sure everything was perfect. Perfect routines, perfect discipline, perfect meals, the whole lot! I was convinced that if I followed a certain checklist, I’d be doing the best thing for my kids. But, oh, how wrong I was!

Now, I see things through a totally different lens. And this shift didn’t happen overnight. It came from reflection, observation and evaluation. I wasn’t trying to judge or criticise my past self. Instead, I allowed myself the space to look back with compassion and understanding. As the years went on, I realised that I wasn’t broken (and neither were my kids!) There was simply room for improvement. And that’s what being human is all about, right? We grow, we evolve and we learn new things every day.

The beauty of reflection is that it allows us to see things from a place of curiosity rather than self-criticism. It’s about stepping back, observing and evaluating where we’ve been and where we are now without the harsh judgment. It’s more like giving your past self a hug and saying, “You did the best you could with what you knew, and now we get to do even better.” And trust me, sometimes I look back and can’t believe the things I used to do. But that’s the joy of growth. It’s almost shocking to see how far we’ve come.

And guess what? I haven’t scarred my kids for life (I hope!). We’re all just doing the best we can.

So, with that in mind, let me share a few things I used to do that I wouldn’t do now…

1. The “Naughty Corner” approach
   I thought discipline meant strict consequences. “Timeouts” and “naughty corners” were part of my toolkit. Now, I understand that discipline isn’t about punishment, it’s about connection and love. I’ve learned that a calm conversation and a hug go so much further in teaching my kids right from wrong than any scolding could.

2. Asking my kids to hug/kiss others
   I used to push my kids to be polite, asking them to hug or kiss people, even if they didn’t want to. Now, I respect their autonomy. I teach them that it’s okay to decline physical contact. Respect for their boundaries is something I now encourage and it’s been so empowering for all of us.

3. Strict bedtime routine
   I thought that a rigid bedtime routine was the only way to ensure a good night’s sleep. But now, I know that flexibility is key and sometimes bedtime might be a bit later. I’ve learned to embrace the chaos and enjoy the moments, knowing that it all balances out in the end.

4. Prepare fresh orange juice
   I used to make fresh orange juice for my kids, thinking it was the healthiest thing I could give them. But then I learned about sugar content and haven’t used the juicer since! 

5. Use Johnson & Johnson products
   I trusted big brands without question. I didn’t know about the harmful chemicals in everyday products like lotions and shampoos. Now, I’m more mindful about what goes on my children’s skin, reading every label and going for more natural and non-toxic products.

Here’s what I’ve learned over the years…

Change is possible.

And it’s not just possible, it’s NECESSARY!

We are human and we are meant to evolve. To grow. To learn from our mistakes and do better as we move forward. Becoming a more patient, present and fulfilled version of myself didn’t happen overnight. It took time, self-reflection and a lot of support from my coaches and therapists. But I can say with confidence: I’m a different person today. And that’s okay. It’s normal. It’s a part of life’s journey.

If I can do it, so can you.

So, here’s my invitation to you:

Let go of the “perfect” mum expectations.

Let go of the guilt, the overwhelm and the belief that you need to be everything for everyone.

Choose to grow, evolve and become the best version of you—for your kids, for your career and most importantly, for yourself.

Change can be challenging, but it’s also one of the most rewarding experiences you can embrace. Whenever you feel unsure or overwhelmed, remember this empowering quote that keeps me grounded:

“Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.” – Maya Angelou

This reminder speaks to the power of growth, learning, and evolving, something I truly believe in as we navigate both motherhood and career. It’s not about perfection; it’s about progress.