Stop pleasing everyone: Why boundaries are essential for your success and how to set them
As a busy, ambitious mum, your time, energy and resources are limited. Yet, there’s one thing we often forget when trying to juggle it all: boundaries aren’t just about saying no. They’re also about saying yes. Yes to the things that matter most to you.
In the chaos of balancing work, motherhood and self-care, boundaries can feel like a luxury. But boundaries are one of the most powerful tools you have for maintaining balance, protecting your energy and living a life that aligns with your values.
Protecting what matters
To set effective boundaries, you first need to understand what truly matters to you. What are your values? What do you need to feel fulfilled, both as a professional and as a mum?
Look at it this way: Boundaries are an act of self-respect and self-love. They’re a way to protect your energy and keep you grounded. It’s often easier to say no to our own needs than it is to say no to others, but what is this costing you? Your vitality? Your presence with your family? Your happiness? Your success?
As the book The Art of Saying No beautifully explains, setting boundaries is about honoring your own needs without feeling guilty. Saying no to things that drain you or don’t align with your values is saying yes to a more focused, meaningful life.
Here are 3 tools you can start with today to set effective boundaries and protect your time, energy, and values:
Start small
If you’ve spent years being a people-pleaser, it’s going to feel incredibly hard to say no when you really mean it. But the good news is, you don’t have to start big. Start small and gradually build your confidence in saying no.
For example, one boundary I set at home is telling my children that I “switch off” after 8 p.m. This simple rule protects my time to rest and enjoy some personal downtime. It’s also a way of teaching my kids to respect my needs and encouraging them to develop empathy.
Start with one small boundary today. Whether it’s carving out personal time, saying no to a request that doesn’t align with your priorities or asking for help when you need it. It doesn’t have to be something dramatic; it just needs to be consistent.
Commit to your 20%
Now let’s talk about the 80/20 rule, also known as the Pareto Principle. It suggests that 20% of your efforts will yield 80% of your results. So, the key to effective boundaries is identifying the 20% of activities or commitments that truly give you value and prioritise those.
For example, if you know that meeting with girlfriends once a month or carving out 1:1 time with each of your children helps you feel connected and energised, make these non-negotiable. Put them in your calendar. Make them a priority because they give you the 80% of results that matter.
For me, my Friday morning yoga class is part of my 20%. I block off that time, no questions asked. Everything else in my schedule revolves around it because that one activity fuels my physical, mental and emotional health.
By committing to your 20%, you’re able to invest your energy where it truly counts without feeling like you’re constantly sacrificing or compromising.
Energy management
Instead of traditional time management, I encourage you to focus on energy management. As a professional mum, it’s not just about managing your time, but managing how you feel throughout the day.
Notice what zaps your energy and what fuels you.
Take a piece of paper and divide it into two columns:
Label one side "-" for the activities that drain you.
Label the other side "+" for the things that energise and uplift you.
Don’t overthink it. Just jot down the things that come to mind.
Once you’ve got your list, it’s time for action. What’s one thing on your “-” list that you can remove, either today, this week or this month? What’s one thing on your “+” list that you can do more of to replenish your energy?
By becoming aware of where your energy is being spent, you can make conscious decisions about where to set boundaries. Removing energy-draining activities and adding more things that bring you joy and fulfillment will naturally help you stay balanced.
Take back your power
Boundaries are not about being rigid or saying no to everything. They’re about saying yes to what truly matters and protecting the time and energy that align with your values and priorities.
For ambitious mums, boundaries are essential for creating a life where work, family and self-care coexist harmoniously. By starting small, committing to your 20% and focusing on energy management, you’ll find that creating boundaries doesn’t just protect you, it empowers you to show up as the best version of yourself, both in your career and in your family life.
